weightloss – Christianna Who?

You never forget your first.

First date… Valentines day, Starbucks frappuccinos, and lots of balloons. It felt like the perfect movie scene of my 16 year old dreams.

First job… Bob’s Big Boy, hostess, it sucked.

First heartbreak… Lots of chocolate was involved and I watched About Time on repeat. Well, I still watch it on repeat.

First legal drink… San Francisco at Midnight. I believe I shamed myself by having a Shock Top on tap. Fortunately my tastes for beer have become more refined.

First Marathon. It was March 19, 2017 and the forecast was sunny with a high of 70 degrees. This is the race recap I’ve been meaning to write for two years now.

March 18, 2017
The traditional laying out your gear to post on Instagram shot.

Looking back now, sometimes it’s hard to believe that person was me. If you’ve read since the beginning, you’d know it took a lot of effort and time (Christianna is… Exhausted). Lots of Saturdays and weeknights went into being able to do this thing. It was a big commitment and undertaking. Something in fact, I did not do alone.

February 2017
Huddle Before 22 Mile Training Run

Learning to become independent and taking solace in the freedom of running on my own was what I needed in 2016. At first, I really did need those solitary runs, but to conquer something so massive? I needed the support from others around me. The next step to my changing process was to let people be apart of my life. Yes, I could of figured out how to run a marathon on my own, but with a group of friends, it became that much more worth it! With a side of enjoyable included. It becomes easy to tolerate the pain with good people making jokes along the way.

So, the LA Marathon was just like training; support and company all the way through.

You’d think that with a 26 mile course, 25,000 runners, and god knows how many spectators, it would be easy to be lost in the crowd. How lonely that would of been if that were the case. The thing that made this thing so incredible was how many people I ran into along the way.

March 19, 2017
We’re still smiling so this must be before mile 20

For the most part, I was able to stick with two good badass lady friends who carried me through from the beginning at Dodger Stadium to Rodeo Drive. The long sunny stretch of Century City had the heat bearing down on me. I slowed massively here, ready to burn out with the sun. If it weren’t for being spotted by a spectator friend who ran with me for a couple miles to mile 22, I’d still be out there crawling down Santa Monica Blvd. Okay, maybe two years later that might be a bit of an exaggerating, but she did help me find my pace again.

On this particular race, once you get past mile 22 it feels all down hill. Working your way through Brentwood, you’re met with more and more ocean air as you inch closer and closer to Santa Monica. San Vincente Boulevard is also lined with beautiful trees and shade, it was life giving. Lol, I’m talking about feeling alive during a marathon so I must be insane now.

However, by the time I turned the corner onto Ocean Avenue to head towards the Finish line, I was so done and aware of how much pain I was in.

March 19, 2017
The face you make when you just want to die but the finish line is there and you try to muster a smile for the camera

Just like that, five and a half hours of friends, runners, sweat and chaffing was over with. It did feel really good.

March 19, 2017
Santa Monica Pier and Disbelief

Of course what I haven’t had time to touch on, was the bit of post race depression that fell on me. It turns out after months of training was the fun part and it all ending was the sad part. But more on this later. For now, the agenda was celebrations. How did I celebrate this feat? Well, with my first beer in months of course!

Ice Cold Beer Cures Post Run Stiffness – True Story

Like I said, I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile now. “Why now?” You might ask. Well, I’m struggling to get committed again and now is the time to make these things happen. The Chicago Marathon will be here before I know it, and I need to find this Christianna again before I lose track of time. It’s definitely going to be very hard. I’ll struggle to get out of bed. There will be a lot of icing of the knees. I will have to give up beer and Friday late night’s out. But who knows, maybe it will be full of surprises. Maybe I’ll meet knew runner friends. Maybe I’ll find motivation to finish all the things for myself I want.

So, If you’re in the market for a long run buddy, consider this my post for hire.

…or at least I’ll keep telling myself I am until I whole-heartedly believe it.

Valentines Day, 2016 – When I woke up that Sunday to face the many couples and families dressed in cheesy themed pink, I told myself I was stronger than I knew. This day, I was even going to prove it by pushing myself even further than a month previously at the New Years Eve race that had sparked it all (See Christianna is… A Runner). One foot in front of the other. Faster. Further. Be brave. Be strong. NYE, I finished in tears. This second 5K into this new quest, I finished empowered by myself.

October 14, 2015 v. February 5, 2016
204 lbs v. 173 lbs.

The difference between January and February in terms of who I quickly changed into was enormous. The end of 2015 was bumpy. I was going through hard times and I accidentally learned to strength train because I had one odd college credit I needed to account for in order to graduate. Thank God life happens that way, because it gave me something to keep myself and my mind busy with through heartbreak and winter break. When you think about life changing decisions in my life, just the simple act of signing up for this class changed the trajectory of my life. However, after using the gym to hide over the winter, I found passion when I quietly walked out of the house, telling no one where I was going, to run a 5K downtown in the middle of the night. After getting my ass handed to me, by walking the whole thing, I quickly got to work. I ran everyday. I ran before class. I ran at home in the Valley. I ran on campus in the West Side. I ran after work in studio city. If I got busy with school, I went to the gym at midnight and ran after my homework was finished. I ran like crazy.

This wasn’t the only change and the reason for dropping 20 pounds so quickly. So please don’t be fooled. I also changed other habits as new ones replaced them. I stopped drinking completely. I dedicated my life to Whole 30 and I learned a lot about nutrition and diet. Okay, also when you’re so severely overweight, because ya gurl was definitely obese, the first bit of weight drops really quickly and then slows to a crippling halt.

Why do I mention this? Context. I was changing. My body was changing. I was still overweight, and just the act of running was taking a lot out of me, but at least good things.

Now, yes I’m talking about events that happened three years ago. Flash forward to the present!

I honestly wanted to have those feelings of 2016 back. So, I laced up my shoes again and told no one where I was going again.

Other than it was so much fun sneaking out of the house on Sunday mornings to run a 5k and be back inside the house again before people were up. I enjoyed going out to these events on my own. After being with someone for years and doing everything with them, I think I needed to be independent. I had to go it alone, because I also had to learn how to be on my own. At first, yes it kinda sucked, but can I tell you how awesome it felt when my mindset started to change. Lets be also even more real, if I was still in a relationship at this time, HELL NO would I have put myself out there like this. Another life changing moment.

Ok, but it does suck to be alone. I feel that. I feel it really hard. My take away from all these resurfacing feelings of loneliness is that I really need to remind myself how much I do enjoy the company of myself. When I’m focussed, not distracted, I accomplish a lot. Like 5k’s that then became 50k, just saying. I lost that spark however, and it’s time to find it again. My momentum fizzled out, it’s time to add more kindling.

So here I am, back to square one. After marathons and 50lb losses, I’m right back at overweight and a slow sluggish pace. This Christianna, however, quit her job last year. Moved herself alone across the country traveling by way of car. Again alone. Where I am now in Tulsa, doing new and exciting things. No, I’m not completely alone, I know and have great people in my life. BUT independence, I’ve got that down now.

So I’m fucking back, and I’m going to finish what I started this time.

Tag: weightloss

Christianna Is… A Marathoner.

Christianna is… Independent.